Elaborate Lives
by almondmuffin
Summary: Lily hates James as much as she has since the first year. Now, they are forced together as Head boy and girl. Is it possible that her feelings could change for a man she has hated all her life into true love?
1. Head Girl

_Dear Diary-_

_I'M HEAD GIRL!!!!!!!!!! The letter came today including a badge! Call me a nerd, but I am so excited right now. Well, excited and a bit scared. It's such a responsibility. When I told mum and dad, they congratulated me and bought me a cake. When I told Petunia, my snobby older sister (as you recall…), she asked me if I fancied a punch in the nose. Some things never change._

_I wonder who the new Head Boy will be. Maybe Amos, but he's a conceited prat. Lupin, maybe? Well he's a Gryffindor, and they probably wouldn't choose two Gryffindors. Right now I really don't care—I mean, it won't be any real jerks like Potter- they get in too much trouble._

_So, anyhow, I'm almost to the train station, so I better go. Can't WAIT to see Viola, Mariko, and Corynne. I can't believe I didn't see them all summer- I wonder if any of them have changed?_

_-Lily_

The Hogwarts Express was waiting, but I didn't want to board yet. Where was everyone? Maybe Corynne and Mariko are already on the train, I thought, and stepped towards the train, before I heard:

"LILY! LILY! Wait up!"

I turned around to see Viola, blonde hair flowing behind her as she ran up to me. "Viola!" I said as we hugged each other. "Oh my god, I haven't seen you in so long!" Viola looked the same as always, except her skin was tanned now. "How was southern France?" I asked as we pulled apart.

"It was amazing! I met someone!"

"Viola! You just broke up with Troy at the end of the school year!" I exclaimed as we hauled our heavy luggage to the train.

"Exactly!"

We both laughed as we climbed up the steps to the train.

"So, how's that long distance thing going to work out, Vi?"

She giggled. "I doubt it will. I gave him this address, but come on, does he seriously expect me to make _that much_ of an effort?"

That's the thing about Vi, I thought as we made our way to a compartment. She goes out with loads of guys and never thinks anything of it. As she tells me, "I'm barely 17! How can they expect me to be tied down like that?"

That's not my attitude. Well I hardly know what my attitude is, seeing as my one boyfriend was in 5th year when I was trying to get Potter to stop asking me out and said yes to that random Ravenclaw who asked me out. He was nice enough, but let's face it, I was using him. So I pretty much have no experience, with the exception of two awkward kisses.

We were walking down the train, trying to find a place to sit, when Viola asked, "Oh, how was your summer?"

I smiled. "I'm Head Girl!"

"I so knew you would be! I TOLD you that you'd be top! This is so cool—we can use your special Head Girl privileges."

I couldn't contradict her about her knowing I would be Head Girl. I had protested when she brought it up last year, but even I considered deep down that it would happen. "Yes," I said. "I know. I'm not so sure about you using my privileges though," I told her and laughed.

As we looked for a compartment, I accidentally bumped into Corynne (she is very short—she's probably only 5'1") "Ohmigod!" Corynne squealed when she saw me. "Lily! I haven't seen you in ages!" Corynne gave me one of her infamous strangling hugs.

As she pulled away and I gasped for breath, I asked her, "Have you seen Mariko?"

"Yah, she's in my compartment. I was just going to see if you guys were here… you ARE late… but I'll show you where we are."

Viola and I followed Corynne to where Mariko was sketching. Her black hair pulled back, her almond-shaped eyes were focused on her drawing pad. "Hey Mariko!" Viola said, and waved her hand in front of the Japanese beauty's face.

Mariko looked up, surprised. "Oh! Hi everyone! Whoa, Viola, you got REALLY tan!" Mariko smiled at all of us. Although most people think she is snotty because she barely talks to anyone, she's just shy. Once you get to know her, she opens up.

Viola grabbed Mariko's sketchbook. "Hey cool! It's a, like, mountain, with a creek and flowers and trees and-"

"Give me that!" Mariko cried and the two of them started to try to grab the sketchbook from each other. "Stop it you guys!" I laughed. As Mariko grabbed her sketchbook back, I flopped down on an open space in the compartment. "Guess what?" I asked. "I'm H—"

"Oh crap!" I cried. My friends stared up at me as I opened the compartment door.

"What is it?" Corynne asked.

"I was supposed to meet the heads when I first got on! I can't believe I forgot! Ohgodohgodohgod what will I do?!?!?"

Viola pushed me out the door. "What you'll do is GO! NOW! And tell us about it when you're done!" She slammed the door. I was glad that I had Viola on my side—although she could be harsh, she was one of my best friends.

I ran down the halls and opened the door to the heads and prefects compartment. Professor Dumbledore gazed at me, then smiled. "Sit down, Lily." I sighed with relief. Dumbledore wasn't pointing out my obvious late-ness of over 15 minutes!

"Nice, Evans," a boy's voice said.

I looked down to see no other than James Potter. My mouth fell open in shock.

"What? I'm Head Boy."


	2. Potter's Mistake

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (if I did, I'd know what happens in book 7 evil smile or Aida (it's a musical and there's a song "Elaborate Lives" that I got the title from. Also, the song will probably pop up near the end.). You probably knew that, but whatever xD**

**xoxo- Maddy 3**

_Dear Diary-_

_You will not believe who's Head Boy. It's our beloved James Potter. Can you believe it?!?!? At first I didn't think it was possible because of his criminal record, but then I remembered all of the NEWT classes he was in. And, after all, he is a Quidditch captain, which have equal status with prefects. I wish even Diggory were Head Boy_

_God, I don't know why I still hate him. He hasn't done anything wrong this year. I don't know- I guess it's just an old thing._

_Do I hate him?_

_I suppose so_

_ANYHOW… Head Meeting. At the meeting, Dumbledore and Professor Lyons (Head teacher of Gryffindor, teaches Herbology) explained that we should give advice to prefects, show new students around, make sure that everything was in order, organize a social event sometime that year, and keep up with our grades (somehow… I have a feeling this year will be way harder than it should be). We also are allowed to take points from all houses (I bet anything that James will take about 1,000 points from Slytherin at the first opportunity. I don't understand why he hates them so much. Sure Snape is a prat, but you know, they're still _people_. We shouldn't just label people based on their house. God I'm such a hypocrite. I label the Marauders enemies every day. But I don't know… they're… _different_ somehow.)_

_Now me and Potter are supposed to meet every week. It's bad enough to see him occasionally- now it's required too. Wish me luck._

_Lily_

Corynne, Mariko, and Viola and I were gobbling up the feast (except for Viola- she was daintily nibbling on a salad. She really is NOT fat, even though she brings it up all the time. Oh well. Even if she is very preppy, we all love her to death) and talking up a storm. As Mariko discussed her summer visit to her hometown, Tokyo (Japan sounded so cool), I felt a tap on the top of my head. Turning around, I saw no other than James Potter. Way to make me feel sick.

"Hey Lils," Potter said, smiling, and motioned towards the empty seat to the right of me. "Mind if I sit here?" He messed up his hair as he waited for me to elicit a response.

Anger bubbled up . "YES POTTER! I DO MIND! NOW GO AWAY AND SIT WITH YOUR FRIENDS! GET AWAY FROM ME!" I had enough of his asking me out. I wanted him to get away. Why does he even bother with me?

"Alright, Evans," Potter said. As he walked away, I couldn't help but catch the hurt look on his face.

I plopped down on my bed after a long first day. It seemed nothing had gone right. We had been assigned homework on every subject and extra in transfiguration. I rolled my eyes at the thought of the homework that took hours to complete.

Viola, Corynne, and Mariko crowded around me. Good, I thought. Talking with my friends before bed will probably cheer me up.

How wrong I was.

Viola spoke first. "You know, Lily, you really shouldn't have blown up at James like that." So he was James now, was he?

Mariko, the most reflective of us, nodded. "He really was just cool to you. All he asked was to sit next to you. You could've just said 'no.'"

Corynne nodded. "Yeah, Lily. You acted really immature. Why couldn't you have just given him a chance?"

I couldn't believe my friends were betraying me in such a way. James? "You guys call yourselves my friends? I-I cannot believe you…. You bitches!!!"

Viola stalked off in a huff, giving me a death glare. Corynne paused, than followed her. Mariko glanced at me (as I pointedly adverted her gaze), tried to talk, then realized it wasn't worth it (smart girl) and went to her bed to sketch.

A little voice in my head said, _You know, Lily, they ARE right. Potter was just being nice._ I pushed it away. Yet, even though I convinced myself I could care less about stupid Potter, for some reason I couldn't tell, I cried into my pillow for ages afterworlds.

**A/N- I hope y'all like this chapter! I know, not one of my best chapters. And short. Oh well! R+R please, it's what got this chapter out so fast!**


	3. Friends, I think

**A/N- I apologize, but I went to overnight camp and wasn't able to post this chapter. But PLEASE still review! I got SO discouraged after no one reviewed chapter 2. So please review. Criticism is welcome (as long as it's relatively friendly).**

**As always-**

** 3 Maddy xoxo**

_Dear Diary,_

_One week after the… incident, I'm wondering if maybe my friends were right. Potter seems to be sad now, and avoiding me. I never thought of him as a person who could be broken, yet, that's what he seems to be now. Before I felt like I was the only right person. Now I feel like a monster._

_I've had this idea of what to say to Potter, but I'm not sure if it'll work. Or if I'll be able to see it. Yet, the idea remains. I really thought I hated him, but now I feel awful for him and… why must things be so complicated? I'm going to go apologize to my friends now. I was really a bitch to them_

_Guiltily,_

_Lily Evans_

"I can't believe I'm about to do this," I moaned as I finished my breakfast.

Corynne rolled her eyes. "Well, believe it, because if you don't, than… er…"

Mariko smiled. "Then she'll lecture you about house-elf rights." Corynne elbowed her, and Mariko laughed.

"No! Better!" Viola cried. "If you don't, we'll make you ask Snape out!"

My mouth dropped in mock horror. "The git? Ok, ok, I'll do it! But not if you guys keep bugging me about it! I don't think we've talked about anything else."

"Okay, but you always back out of dares. It's no fun to play 'Truth or Dare' with you because you're always like 'no! no! no!'. So… we have reason to doubt you!

Sometimes Viola doesn't know when to shut up. "I'M GOING TO DO IT ALREADY!"

Corynne and Mariko laughed and Viola paused, then laughed as well. Corynne glanced in back of her. "There he is!" She hissed to me. I looked over, and saw Potter surrounded by his friends.

"No! I can't say that in front of him… you can't expect me to do that!"

"Okay," Corynne said, "but if you don't talk to him about it by the end of the day… you're going to have to pucker up for Snape."

"I KNOW, ALREADY!" Besides, if I backed out, I could always lie.

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Herbology, Potions, and Transfiguration passed before I finally caught Potter alone. I nudged him and whispered, "Potter… I need to talk to you."

"Look," I said, my palms sweating, "Potter, I'm sorry for the way—"

"Forget it." He said, and looked impatient. "Can this wait? I have to get to Defense against the Dark Arts, as do you."

I frowned. "- I blew up on you. And yes, you ARE going to stay and hear me talk. And don't act like you care so much about schoolwork, and listen. Anyhow, er, I was thinking, well, we are Head Boy and Girl, and there's nothing we can do about it… so we might as well treat each other civilly…"

Potter cleared his throat.

"Okay then, _I_ might as well treat you civilly. I'm sorry, okay? So can we just be friends?"

Potter pretended to think hard. "Hmmm…let me think... I'm not to sure, you treated me pretty badly… hmmm…" I elbowed him and he laughed. So did I.

"And, er, if we're friends than, then I should call you… James, er, I s'pose." Talk about awkward. "And… you can call me Lily… okay, Po- James?"

"'K, Lily."

"I guess we should go to class now."

"Uh huh…"

I felt so weird, walking silently next to him. What if someone saw us and thought there was… some other reason why we were late? The thought worried me so much I ran ahead of him. James gave me an odd look, but let me go ahead.

"Late, Evans? I would've expected better from Head Girl. Oh well, no matter. Sit down, sit down. We're learning how to make a Patronus." Professor Cook told me.

A few minutes later, James walked in. "Funny, Potter, our Head Girl was late too." I blushed. "10 points from Gryffindor, you too." I grimaced. Head Girls were supposed to make points, not lose them. But Potter was smiling, and as he sat next to me, he said,

"It's just a few points, Lily. If it will make you feel better, I can dock points from every other house and add twice as many to our house."

I laughed, but then frowned. "James, you're supposed to be a '_responsible and loyal Hogwarts student,' _remember what Dumbledore told us?"

"Of course we do, but it wasn't my fault I was late."

I elbowed him. "James! You know that talk was absolutely necessary for the best interests of Hogwarts and would save us a lot of time arguing! In fact, we might've lost more points arguing if I hadn't talked to you! You really need to think more bef-"

"Talking, Potter? Evans? 10 more points from Gryffindor."

**A/n- yeah, kinda bad, but I'm still an author in progress!!! xD**


	4. Jealousy and Jepordy

**A/n: thanks for reviewing! Okay, chapter four is up. Enjoy!**

** 3 Maddy**

_Dear Diary,_

_James has been nice and not-flirty (thank god) ever since I told him we could be friends. Sometimes, if I'm in a class without any of my friends, he sits with me. He really is a laugh. And its kinda cute how he messes up his hair. But, I mean, I don't like him or anything…_

_Yesterday, a Slytherin accidentally-on-purpose tripped me, and James turned his robes bright pink, and made his long greasy hair into blonde curly pigtails. It made me laugh rather than feel scandalized. Even I have an easygoing side. Who cares if before I said we shouldn't classify people as a group? Once in a while, we all do that and it's fine if it's just in good fun._

_Later,_

_Lily Evans_

I entered the potions room with Mariko early (I didn't want to be late again). We chatted for a bit as everyone else came in about homework and pointless stuff, then shifted our eyes to the front of the room when Professor Slughorn entered the room.

"Today we'll be making the Draught of Living Death. To make this potion, you will need…"

I listened as Slughorn discussed the potion and wrote stuff on the blackboard. When he said to begin, I eagerly started to mix my potion. I love making potions. It's like a distraction from the rest of my life, and all that matters is that perfect concoction of magical ingredients. I eagerly started to follow the specific instructions in the book without looking up once.

When I had finished mixing in the last ingredient, I looked up. No one else, other than Snape, was done. I glanced over at Snape, who was rapidly scribbling something in his textbook book, his head down. _He is so weird,_ I thought as I retrieved a sample of my potion. I walked up to Slughorn with my sample. "Very good, very good, Miss Evans." he said. "5 points for Gryffindor." I caught Snape frowning and smirked.

"Thank you, Professor Slughorn." I said sweetly and sauntered back to my desk, where Mariko smiled at me.

I doodled a violet on the inside front cover of my potion book as I waited for Slughorn to call "Time's up!" I had doodled 9 violets of various shapes and sizes before the time limit was up. I watched students turn in their potion flasks. As James walked back, he nudged me and smiled. I smiled back.

In back of me, I overheard two gossipy girls, Ramona and Sheila talking together.

"Oh. My. God! Do you think James Potter just smiled at me?" Ramona squealed.

"Ohmigod, he did?" They both stared intently at James who was talking to Lupin and ruffling his hair. "When he ruffles his hair like that, I just DIE! But I don't get it—does he know how hot he is? I mean, it's hard to believe he exists- you know?"

"Ehmagod, totally. But I think he's single. I know he used to be going after that Evans girl, but I think he gave up on her. I overheard her shouting at him in the great hall a few nights ago."

Ok- I felt so pissed at that moment. My hands were in fists. And I didn't know why. I didn't want to be known as James Potter's girlfriend. And they didn't have to bring up that stupid outburst of mine.

"How much would you pay to be his girlfriend, though?" Sheila asked dreamily.

"1,000 galleons or beyond, defiantly. I mean, if he went out with me, it would make my… life!"

"Let's go up to him!"

"You sluts" I whispered as they walked past, but I guess it was a good thing they didn't hear me.

They both walked (or was it strutted?) up to James. He looked up at the two, who were obviously trying to be hot. I wondered if they knew how dumb they looked. James raised an eyebrow and then smiled. I wanted to kill them as they leaned towards him as if they actually cared whatever he was talking about, when I knew they were just trying to get his attention.

I was very glad when Professor Slughorn announced that class was over. I wanted to ask James why he let those trashy girls, but I don't know, it was just too hard. I didn't want to talk to him. It was his own fault. What am I talking about? I thought to myself as I walked to the dining hall for dinner.

When I got there, Viola was already talking head-to-head with Corynne and Mariko. Mariko had a funny look on her face that I couldn't place. As I sat down, I said, "Hey guys, what's going on?" I said it as if I had not experienced could it be… jealousy? about James.

Viola glanced at me like I was stupid, then pointed to her right. "Look." She said simply.

"Umm… it's Peter, Sirius, Lupin, and-" I swallowed "- James."

"Exactly!"

"Huh? Wait… what? YOU LIKE JAMES???"

"Of course not!" Viola examined her cuticles as she spoke. "Although you're right, he is hot." She lowered her voice to a dramatic stage whisper. "_I like Sirius!"_

"Oh…Well, that's nice!"

Mariko bit on her fingernail, but she nodded along with us.

"Oh godgodgod!!! There he IS!" Viola whispered/shouted. "Hey, Sirius," she said as she twirled her hair with her finger.

Sirius smiled. "Hey, Viola." Mariko looked up at him nervously, and Corynne whispered something to Viola, who nodded. Sirius looked down at Mariko and ruffled her hair. "Hey Mariko."

Corynne raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah, hey Corynne… oh and hi Lily!"

We all laughed. Then James walked over and he and his entrauge sat at our section of the table. I decided to forget about Ramona and Sheila. After all, he probably was just putting up with them because he liked the attention.

Dinner was easygoing and fun and I found myself looking forward to my meeting with James that would follow about planning a Christmas dance.

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Later that night, I walked into my bedroom, changed into my red plaid pajamas and crawled into my bed. It had been a fun meeting, full of laughs and not much concentration. I played in my mind the good memories, and the bad, as I tried to go to sleep with everyone else. Finally, my breathing slowed into a few deep breaths and I was dreaming.

It was a rather odd dream, consisting of Ramona and Sheila chasing James off a cliff. Than a werewolf howled and they both ran away. Mariko started to run towards the werewolf and then—

I opened one eye. It was still dark outside. I rolled around, and sighed. "Ramona and Sheila are such effing idiots," I whispered, still half in my dream. Suddenly, in the midst of all the darkness, I heard a small voice.

I heard a small laugh, which I immediately recognized.

"Mariko? You're awake?" I stumbled through the dark over to her bed and sat beside her.

"Yeah, um, I couldn't get to sleep. But, Lily, can I tell you something if you promise never to tell Viola or Corynne? Especially never Vi?"

What couldn't she tell them? "Er, sure."

"Well, you know how Viola couldn't shut up about Sirius?"

"Um, duh. That's all she's talked about since dinner."

"Well, don't tell her… but-"

I cut her off. "You like him, don't you?"

Although I couldn't see her, I know her cheeks turned bright red at that. "Um, how did you know?"

"I didn't really get it but you were acting all embarrassed, and it all makes since. You know, I think he might like you, he said hi to you too. Well, before us, I mean. But you're going to HAVE to tell Vi about it."

"I can't! She'll kill me!"

"Well I won't do it for you, you should be the one to tell her. But she'll get so mad if she finds out. This is how drama gets started!"

"She won't find out," Mariko said. "He'll fall for her. They always do."

"Don't be so quick to assume. Did you see the way he smiled at you? Just TELL HER!"

Mariko looked at the ground. "Maybe."

"I should go," I told her as I walked back to my bed and collapsed on top of it. _Too much is going on,_ was my last thought. _Me and James and Mariko/Viola and Sirius. Wait, I don't like James! But the way he smiles at me and tosses his hair is so… OH SHUT UP LILY! But James is so… _My thoughts jumbled and I fell into a deep sleep.


	5. Evesdropping

_Dear Diary-_

_Sometimes I think my life should be one of those overdramatic romance novels Viola always reads. Mariko/Viola/Sirius, stupid cliquey girls, and James /I make up quiet a hectic and unrealistic story. Wait a second, what do I mean James and I? Ok, I can't deny it, I'd never confess this anywhere else, but I never noticed how funny he is. Or how nice he can be. And loyal to his friends. And also, I'm really ashamed to admit this, but kinda hot. Oh crap, I sound like Sheila or Ramona. But I really like hanging out with him. Ok, the second I stop writing this I'm going to have to black this out because even though I have so many security charms on this, you never know. And I am not taking any chances. Because, I mean, like two weeks ago I hated him. And it isn't a real crush, I don't think. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I'm just attracted to him, let's leave it at that. And we most certainly will never become a couple or get married or anything stupid like that because, I mean, that would just be wrong! And besides, I'm graduating soon. Whatever. Ok, I'm going to censor all of this stupid rambling because 1, it's embarrassing and 2, I will never really like or do anything with James Potter!!!_

_Shaking her head slowly in disappointment of herself,_

_Lily_

I woke up a few days after Mariko had first confided in me. Since then, I was the only one in our quartet who knew about her true feelings for Sirius. The night before, she had tried to explain to me why.

"I don't know, he's just really nice to me!"

"Yeah?" I thought about James.

"And when he sees me he calls me 'Ko'" Mariko said dreamily.

"Umm… OK Mariko!" I was sick of all of this drama. I knew it was kind of bad-friend of me, but I wished things would just go back to normal, with me hating James and Viola being an ultra-girly-girl getting every guy.

"I'm sorry, it's just… well, you know."

I did, actually. "Mmmhmm."

"Thanks for putting up with me, Lily."

"No prob, 'Ko.'" I replied, imitating the way she had said "Ko."

Mariko threw her pillow at me. There was a moment of silence, and then we both collapsed into giggles.

"Ok, goodnight!" I called out.

"Yeah, 'night."

A few minutes afterwards, I decided to go to the common room to study for our Transfiguration test tomorrow—I was so busy nowadays that I never had time for the previous concentration I had before on my academics.

I quietly opened the door, knowing no one else would be awake. Or so I thought. When I opened the door I heard hushed voices. I knew I shouldn't listen in, but I did want to hear. I silently closed the door and crouched down so they wouldn't see me.

"You're actually very lucky, Sirius. Viola is quite a catch."

"Yeah, you're so good at picking up girls" I heard Pettigrew's ugly (don't ask me how a voice can be ugly, but his is!) voice suck up to Sirius.

The Marauders!

"Maybe, James, but I don't _like_ her! She's too… I don't know."

Oh, poor Viola! I thought. But, does that mean he likes Mariko?

"Whatever. I'm just saying. You know, we're graduating soon, and you should get at least one more girlfriend before graduation!"

Ew, I thought. Do they seriously keep track like that?

"Don't worry," Sirius replied, and I swear I could hear a smile in his voice. "There _is _someone I'm interested in."

"Ok, as long as she isn't a loser like Amelia."

"Shut up!" I could hear Sirius playfully hit James.

"Well she was such a freak. Why _did_ you go with her anyhow?"

"That was two years ago, Potter. When are you going to shut up about it?"

"Never." I stifled a laugh. Even if that was a little mean, it was funny. Pettigrew seemed to think so too and I covered my ears, trying to block out his loud cackle.

"Ugh, I wish Remus would wake up. How can we be expected to do our Defense against the Dark Arts homework without him?"

"Yeah, I mean, I like the class well enough but this homework is just torture!"

"Professor **Proicio** is trying to kill us… ughhh…"

At this point, I walked back to the common room. I didn't want to face the Marauders or to have them guess that I had overheard them. Besides, they seemed to be done talking about girls, which, as I had noticed, was a rarity among itself. Who cares if I didn't have proper studying done for the Transfiguration test? I knew I'd get a good grade anyhow, I actually tended to pay attention in class, unlike Viola and Corynne, who never could stop passing notes. I'm getting less uptight, I marveled. Maybe James is rubbing of on me.

May as well get dressed now. And tell Mariko not to worry. And brace myself, because Viola's going to get pretty mad soon.


	6. More to James

_Dear Diary,_

_Ok, so now it's pretty obvious to guess that Sirius likes Mariko. That conversation I overheard 2 weeks ago, and the way he looks at her are definite proof for that. I'm happy for Mariko, for as much as I love Viola, Mariko definitely deserves Sirius a lot more than her, who gets every guys she wants and then dumps him after 2 weeks. But when Sirius asks Mariko out, how will Viola react? I mean sure, our "group" is considered somewhat popular so it isn't that much of a shock that a Marauder would like Mariko, but Viola has never been broken up with or had an unrequited crush. _

_Anyhow, I have a meeting with James about the Christmas dance now, so yeah! I can't believe it's already been a month since school started. We need to figure out which band we want to play in and everything. Talk about stress!_

_xoxo Lily_

"So, Lily," James said breezily, propping his feet up on the table as he spoke, "which would you rather have play at the dance? Satine Mermaid, the hit soul singer, My Magical Romance, the rock band, or The Charm Girls, the girl pop group?"

"Can I say I don't give a crap?"

"That might work too. Hey, how about Satine Mermaid?"

"Ew, I hate her song 'Charmed'—its so whiny."

We finally decided on My Magical Romance. I honestly couldn't care less as long as it wasn't Satine with her screechy melodies.

However, as always, our conversations slipped from planning to causalities. Stupid stuff really, but it was fun. I liked my conversations with James. He was easy to talk to. You know, I thought, I think that's important in anyone I'd ever want to go out with. Not that I'd want to go out with James. He's my friend. Nothing more, just—

My thoughts were interrupted with James's continued conversation. "…and so skiing sounds fun. I'm still not sure if I'll bring a 4th friend, but…yeah. What are you doing over Christmas holidays?"

"Nothing. I'll probably just stay at school like the loser I am." I smiled, kind of joking, but James took it seriously. He grasped my hand and if I hadn't been on my guard, I might've gasped or pulled away unintentionally or something dumb. I don't know, it felt so warm and… I don't know.

"Lily," he said. "Don't ever,_ ever_ say something like that. You are amazing and the least loser-ish person I know."

The whole grasping-hand thing was still freaking me out and that was when the idea first came to me. _You like him, Lily. You don't just think he's hot and nice._

Oh shit, I thought. I _can't_ feel this way about… _James! _He's… he's…

Shitshitshit, I thought, and tried to push the thought from my mind as I continued to converse with James. However, I couldn't forget the warmth from his hand and the strong look as he looked into my eyes.

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The next morning, I went downstairs to breakfast with Corynne, still shaken from the previous night's encounter. When I came downstairs, I saw the Marauders, Viola, and a few other people crowded around the Daily Prophet. Because usually it's only read by the more academic students, I was immediately intrigued.

I ran over. "Let me see that," I said, and pulled the newspaper from Remus's hands. My mouth fell open when I saw the beginning of the article:

**Wizard Forms Group to "Purify" Community**

**Rumor says they're called "Death Eaters"**

**LONDON- Half-blood Agatha Cornings was horrified to hear of a wizard rising in stature called Voldemort. "He plans to get rid of muggleborns? My father was a muggle-born wizard and he was top of his class! They are no different than purebloods and I find the whole thing scary and disturbing. I can only fear for the future."**

**However, other wizards feel otherwise. Such as the Blacks, a family that had been pureblood for years. Says Mrs. Black: "From what I've heard, I don't mind. Purebloods are superior and I think it's good to get rid of mudbloods."**

I looked up at Sirius in horror and he grimaced. "See why I go to James's during holidays?"

"Wait—" I said, pausing, trying to grasp this obscure concept. "This article is saying that the wizard—Voldemort—is going to… try and _kill_ _off_ muggle-borns?"

Sirius paused and looked sad. "Looks like it."

My face turned pale. "Wait… _I'm_ a muggle born… why would he want to kill us… let alone anyone? Why are people putting up with it?"

James reached over and pointed to a paragraph near the end. I blushed when he did that- I hadn't noticed him.

**Although some purebloods may think Voldemort has the right idea, the rest of us aren't so sure. Rumors are flying around that he's already committed murders, including the speculated murders of his own grandparents. Why would he do such a thing, we can only speculate. Minister Audax is looking into shortly sending aurors after Voldemort, if, as he says, "it gets out of hand."**

"Out of hand?" I said, horrified. It's _already_ out of hand! That's dreadful!"

James nodded. "I think that whole purebloods are superior thing is bullshit. Snape's a pureblood and he's a prat."

I laughed, but James continued.

"_And_ I can't believe Audax isn't doing anything about it now. I swear, when I graduate, I'm going to form my on little group against him. Or join one if people have woken up by than. People like that should be stopped."

"Well," I said, trying to be fair although his words had struck me, "I guess maybe they're…scared."

"Scared? Of course. But… how are you supposed to get anything accomplished if you don't get over petty fears? Isn't it better to sacrifice your own life if it will save others?"

James could be deep? My mind filled with admiration to James. He seemed so bold, so loyal, and determined to do what's right.

"Same here, James." Sirius said, and Lupin and Peter nodded.

I wasn't sure how to say I agreed, would want to join the same group, but I just looked into James's eyes, and I saw a new side to him: not just the popular Quiddich Player who makes jokes, sometimes at other's expense, but a brave leader loyal to what's right.


	7. Sirius and Mariko

_Diary-_

_The thing about the Death Eaters really freaked me out, but luckily there hasn't been anything in the news since. I really hope it turns out to be nothing._

_Ever since James grabbed my hand I've been feeling a little weird, but it's easy to forget about it when he talks to me. I can just focus on my **friend.**_

_There's the first trip to Hogsmede coming up on Halloween night. I'm already looking forward to it. I'll probably spend the night with Corynne, Viola and Mariko, if she isn't with Sirius by then. I think it'll be a fun girls night out. We've already started planning. Can't wait!_

_xx Lily_

The next morning at breakfast, we were sitting with the Marauders. James was sitting across from me and propped his feet up on the table like he always did as he took a gigantic bite of a bagel. The dirt fell from his sneakers onto my plate.

"EW!" I screamed. "Get your feet off there! Look what they did to my omelet!"

He moved them towards the left instead and we both about died laughing. Things seemed to be normal. Sometimes, however, I remembered how deep he was a few nights ago. It's weird to think all that can be in one person.

Finally James put his feet down, but sometimes he'd tap my feet and I'd scream. Sometimes I can act as girly as Viola.

Viola. God, I almost forgot about her. But there she was, to my right, flirting with Sirius. He was sitting across from her, but he looked uncomfortable and kept on shooting glances at Remus and James as if to say, "_What is she DOING?" _Sometimes I'd catch his eyes moving to Mariko's, and than glancing away once he seemed to realize what he was doing. I gave Mariko a meaningful glance, mouthing "He so likes you." Mariko moaned and lowered her face. She really is making this into such a big deal, I thought as I finished my omelet. She should've just told Viola and asked him out! Or, you know, wait for him to ask her out. I feel so bad when Viola asks me if I think Sirius likes her and I have to lie, smiling with a cheery "of course! Who wouldn't?"

Corynne, towards my left, seemed to be busy with her own stuff. Completely ignoring Remus across from her, she was waving at someone towards the Ravenclaw table. "What are you doing?" I whispered.

Corynne nudged me and pointed at the faint outline of a blonde Ravenclaw who waved back. As he drew nearer, I recognized him as Troy Tebbins. He had been Corynne's boyfriend on and off since the beginning of 6th year.

"You want to go out with him again?"

Corynne nodded, and rushed her voice as Troy drew nearer. "I figure if Mariko's going to get Sirius I could do with my own boyfriend."

Is everything really that simple for Corynne?

I sat in dismay as Corynne and Viola continued their flirtations, Mariko looked in distress, and James sat across from me, staring… at me.

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Late night. I was up again. Beginning to see a pattern?

I was reading one of Viola's clichéd romance novels restlessly. I had finally finished my homework but couldn't get to bed. Corynne was leaning against my knees, also reading a book. Sometimes we'd say something but for the most part we were silent.

However my novel wasn't exactly satisfying in the entertainment sense. My mind wandered to Mariko. What could she be doing? I remembered she was finishing her homework when she decided she wanted to use the bathroom and maybe get a bit of fresh air and asked if we wanted to come with her but we refused. How dumb I was! She could be DYING or something. Not that, you know, she would be dying, but...

I played with my fingernails. "Hey Corynne," I asked, "did Mariko ever come back after she left a couple hours ago? I haven't seen her since."

"I don't think so. I'm starting to get kind of worried."

"I know! It's not like good girl Mariko to be out late." My mind swelled with thoughts. What _could_ she be doing? She didn't have Remedial Potions like that Hufflepuff idiot did, she wasn't in any clubs as far as I knew... what could have kept her away from us for the past two hours?

Suddenly, we heard feet against the floor. _2 pairs of feet._ I sat up straight. "Mariko? But who would she be with?"

Suddenly, I knew the answer.

"Shit!" I whispered. "I bet she was with Sirius."

"Well good!" Corynne replied. "She deserves him way more than Viola!"

"Yeah, I know, but… you don't think this can go on forever? Sooner or later Viola's going to fi—"

I heard loud footsteps and the door opened. I could barely make out the silhouetted figure of Mariko.

"Mariko!" I exclaimed. "You… and Sirius?"

Mariko put her finger to her lips, and whispered, "Yes! But really, Lily, people are trying to sleep—keep your voice down!"

Corynne laughed, but I persisted. "Well…?"

"Well what?"

"Well how far did you go?"

Corynne playfully pushed me and I nearly fell of the bed. I screamed (quieter than usual however), which made Fiona, the girl next to us, turn over, mutter "what the…" and go back to sleep.

"You don't ask a thing like that!" Corynne hissed.

I ignored her and turned to Mariko, who blushed. "Well…" she murmured. We just… fooled around some."

I let her slide with that. "Well what are you going to do about Viola?"

"Viola?" Mariko cursed. "I forgot about her!"

"You better remember pretty soon and tell her!" Corynne urgently whispered.

"I-I can't… you don't understand how mad she'd get."

"You mess up your own life," I said, suddenly very tired. "But please tell her before she finds out herself."

Mariko moaned and flopped on her bed. My mind was dizzy with thoughts, but they all eased and I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

**A/N-** **wow, I've gotten so many reviews! Thanks! I really 3 it**

**it feels so weird to still be on this chapter, I've written so much ahead**

**PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK:**

**when should this story end?**

**A. Graduation**

**B. Wedding**

**C. Lily and James's death**

**I'm leaning towards Graduation, but tell me what you think!**


	8. Keeping Secrets

**Author's Note**

**I'm very sorry about the wait. I was excited to see how many reviews I got 3**

**This chapter sucks. I just need a filler chapter**

**so you don't have to read it xD**

**I'm not kidding about it sucking**

_Diary-_

_Mariko's in deep shit. She still hasn't told Viola. I would tell her, but it's not in my place to do so… you know?_

_But right now really sucks. I have loads of homework, loads of responsibilities, and it seems like everyone has a boyfriend now. Corynne's back with Troy, Mariko's off in Sirius-love-land…, and there's me. Sometimes I wish for James, then I think I'm insane. I never have any clue what's going on anymore._

_Lily_

Viola stood in front of a large mirror she personally installed, combing her perfect blonde hair. Mariko and Corynne were in deep discussion, over which I don't know.

"Lily?" she asked.

I turned towards her. "Yes?"

"What do you think is the matter with Sirius?" I bit my fingernail. _Damn, _I thought. "I mean," Viola continued, "He has barely shown any interest in me. That's the first time that's happened. Usually, they show _some_ interest…"

I continued to chew on my fingernail. "I don't know, Viola." I shot a nervous glance at Mariko, however she didn't notice. "I…I don't think you have to worry," I lied.

"Maybe he's playing hard to get… I guess. But, it's so weird! I didn't think _guys_ did that, and I do think I'm making myself quite obvious enough. I mean, how dense can he get?"

"Maybe he has… I don't know… a secret girlfriend?" _Don't think of Mariko¸_ I prayed. Viola flipped her hair and I reflected on how vain she was. Maybe she deserves this, I thought. She's never had anything that's not perfectly her way.

"Do you really think so?" Viola asked. "Shit! You might be right. But…" she sighed dramatically and flopped on the bed. "Well, you'll understand someday. I _really_ want him."

I kind of rolled my eyes. I'll understand someday? What did Viola think I was? A _nun?_ I hate to break it to you, Viola, I thought angrily, but I have a life too. I knew I was overreacting but I was sick of her acting like a stuck up prat. God, I'm being a right bitch, I realized. Viola's my friend. We all have faults.

"If you say so," I said, and with a last look in the mirror, turned toward the door. "Let's go to breakfast."

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It was breakfast, however, that my opinion on Mariko's secret changed.

As we were approaching the table, Sirius tried to put his arm around Mariko, however, she whispered something in his ear, which made him pull away and reply, also in a hushed tone, with more urgency. Mariko shook her head and looked like she was about to cry. That was when I felt a rush of fury for Mariko for being too quite even to tell her friend something that would endanger their friendship. I almost wanted to tell Viola right then.

"Lily," a voice whispered, and I felt a hand—James's hand—grasp my shoulder. He pulled me aside, and I held my breath. What could this be?

"Lily," James hissed, "what are you and Mariko playing at?"

I frowned. That wasn't what I had in mind. "Er…"

"I didn't think you of all people would do a thing like that. Why do you girls insist on keeping secrets and ensuing drama?"

"Er.. James? What are you…" Suddenly I realized. Mariko?

"Well… er… James, that's Mariko's responsibility."

"But now you're involved. So you're part of it too!"

For a second that seemed dumb. The next moment I agreed with him. "I'm sorry James… I'll try"

James smiled. "It's better to hear it from you than for her to find out by herself," he told me and I nodded.

I finally understood. Maybe it should be Mariko to confess, but because of her silence, I had to do something, before it was too late.


	9. Discovered

**Authors note:**

**Hello my beloved readers! xD**

**I'm sorry about the long delay**

**I thought I had added this and the chapter before it and was waiting for reviews xD I'm really dumb haha  
**

**I hope you like this chapter anyhow- I'm sorry it's so short but it was pretty fun to write**

**ILY guys- Maddy**

_Diary-_

_I have made up my mind. I am breaking the news to Viola. I don't care how mad she gets. I don't care about any of that rubbish anymore. All I know is that pretty soon she's going to find out. And like James said, she'll just find out by herself._

_I've been needing to spend some time with her anyways, and so today, because it's a nice day, which is very unusual in October, we're going to go outside and have a few snacks and talk. I think it will be nice because if she finds out and takes it well, we can hang out in Hogsmeade and let the two couples just go their own ways. God, I'm really nervous though, so… wish me luck!_

_-Lily_

"It's gorgeous!" Viola said and twirled in a circle as we stepped outside. It must've been 60 degrees.

"I know! I wish it would last," I said, smiling.

"Well it was a good idea to go out here while it was here than… I've barely talked to you lately!"

I pushed the thought of all my overdue homework out of the way and nodded.

"Ooh, Lily, let's sit here!" Viola motioned under a tree.

"Sure," I said, and plopped onto the soft grass below and tossed my bag of Pumpkin Pasties, French bread rolls, and Bertie Botts.

"Is Hogsmeade still going on then?" Viola asked as she lay on the grass, playing with a strand of her hair.

"Yeah, but…er…" This would be the perfect time to say that Mariko probably wouldn't be there, but I couldn't. Not this soon, I decided.

"Great! Do you think we could hang out with the Marauders?"

Damn. "Er… maybe… but…"

"Lily…" Viola said quietly, and scooted towards me. "I'm so confused! I hate it!"

"What?"

"It's…it's _Sirius!_ I don't understand it! He never shows me any affection at all! When I talk or flirt with him, he just looks awkward!" Viola looked close to tears. "Is there something wrong with me?"

Oh god. This was not going the way I planned. Should I reassure her or let her down gently? "Well, it's nothing wrong with you. Not everyone you like is going to like you."

This seemed to be the wrong thing to say. "But… why not?" Her eyes were watery and I felt so bad that I had to go back on my idea.

I tried to not acknowledge what we had just said and replied, "Well… maybe he's shy!"

"Shy?" Viola hiccupped. "If Sirius were shy, I would be a hermit."

I thought harder. God, I thought, I really should cut out my rubbish and tell the truth. "Well… remember his girlfriend last year, Bertha Jorkins? That had to hurt. I know she didn't mean to tell his secrets, but…"

"Hmm… maybe you're right, Lily!" Viola wiped her eyes and almost smiled. "He went through heartbreak and needs to learn to love again!"

I'm sorry Mariko, I thought in my head.

However, Viola seemed satisfied with that conversation, and we chatted easily for a while. I had forgotten how understanding she could sometimes be and why she was my friend in the first place. However, as we talked about our ever-changing DADA teachers, I still felt a lump in my throat. What about what I had told James?

As there was a pause in our conversation, Viola noticed a silhouetted couple a long way away by the lake. "Look at them," she sighed. "You can tell they're really in love."

I peered to where she was staring. The two were simply hand-in-hand, staring in each other's eyes. She was right—they looked perfect together.

"I hope that Sirius and I will be like that once he gets over Bertha and learns to trust again," Viola breathed.

I gulped, but felt a sudden burst of bravery. I will do this! I thought determinedly. I will not be a bad friend or a hypocrite. "Er… Viola… there's something you need to know," I said in a hushed voice.

However, she didn't hear me, still swooning over the couple by the lake. They seemed to be walking back from the lake, their arms around each other, totally engrossed in their conversation.

I started louder this time "Viola… there's something I need to—" but I was cut off by Viola.

"What. The…" Viola paused. Her face was stony cold. "Shoot!"

"What?" I asked, surprised. I peered to where her frosty face was intently staring. It was the couple she was staring at earlier. Mariko and Sirius.

Damndamndamn. "Look, Viola… I'm really sorry. I was trying to tell you, but—"

"Wait. You knew?" She looked awful: horrified, angry, confused, sad.

"Er… yeah, but you got to see." I was getting that awful feeling I got when I forgot to do my Transfiguration homework. But this was worse. Much worse.

Viola didn't listen. She stormed away, using her right hand to flip her hair and her left to flip me off.


	10. Hogsmede

_Dear Diary,_

_She won't speak to us._

_She saw them._

_I can't believe it. I knew it would be bad, but not this bad. When she saw the two, I let slip that Corynne and I knew about. I'm not sure what she's more mad about- that she didn't get the guy she liked for once, that _Mariko_ of all people got him, or that we kept a secret from her. _

_Today is Halloween, but I feel like crap. We keep apologizing, especially Mariko, but nothing helps. Viola won't talk to us. Now she's starting hanging around Ramona and Sheila. She makes it look like she's having a blast, flirting with guys and gossiping with girls, but than, when she sees Sirius even look at Mariko, the smile slides of her face and her face turns stony. I feel dreadful, but I can't do anything—she just won't acknowledge our existence. I already miss her. I mean, how dumb is this, a fight over a __**guy?**_

_The trip to Hogsmede is going to suck._

_Lily_

"Do you think she's really serious about not acknowledging us again?" Mariko asked as we finished our feast. We watched Viola whisper something into Sheila's ear and collapse into giggles.

"Sure seems like it. Look at her!" Corynne, Mariko, the Marauders, and I were sitting on the right end of the table, the Marauders, however, were in deep discussion over the Quidditch World Cup. Which, as I had observed, is how guys are. They don't talk about stuff the way girls do.

"Why does it matter so much to her? It's just a guy." Corynne said as she glanced at Viola.

"Yeah, but," I said in between bites of my tiramisu, "we also failed to tell her a quite significant piece of information, _and_ she's never lost her conquest for a guy before."

"But she doesn't have to be so snobby about it! I mean, we've been friends for almost our whole time at Hogwarts."

"I should have never said yes," Mariko moaned.

"Mariko," I said, putting my fork down across my plate, "it's not your fault. I mean, you should have _told_ her, but… well, I love Vi, but it isn't a very supportive thing to do to get so mad at us." I didn't mention our conversation by the lake. It actually was kind of my fault she got so mad.

"But… well, you know, he's just a _guy. _And I _knew_ she liked him."

Corynne jumped in. "Exactly! He's just a guy! No offence, but Viola shouldn't get that mad. Well, I can understand about you not telling her, but she's just being unreasonable."

The Marauders seemed to have been finished and were stealing glances at us. I could tell they wanted to go, and so, probably, could Mariko. She bit her thumbnail. "Ok… I guess we can go." We stood up towards our tables as Mariko tentatively walked up to Sirius, who whispered something in her ear and put his arm around her, and Corynne searched the room for Troy, and I wished with all my heart that Viola was our friend again.

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Who would have thought that Lily Evans, somewhat popular, usually surrounded by friends girl, would be sitting on a train compartment, alone?

This is how it worked: Mariko and Sirius paired off, James went to sit with his other friends, and Corynne and Troy offered for me to sit with them, but I was a third wheel and sick of it. And of course Viola still wasn't speaking to me. So there I was, bored out of my mind, staring out a window in an empty compartment. Well, I reasoned, it was probably better than watching one of my coupled-off friends and their boyfriend try and make small talk while wishing I'd go away so they wouldn't feel guilty and could make out in peace.

For some reason, the tune to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" was stuck in my head. Somehow, they lyrics were changing in my mind. _Twinkle twinkle little star Lily is really bored. All alone in an empty compartment, forced to sing children's songs. Twinkle twinkle little star Lily wishes Viola were here._

How pathetic am I? I thought.

Just than, I heard a noise. Approaching footsteps? Does Viola forgive me? I thought, eyes glued to the compartment door. Is she coming to put me out of my lonely misery? I barely blinked, but as the footsteps grew closer, I felt disdain. It's probably someone saying hi to their mates or something. Why would it be Viola?

My compartment door opened.

"Vio—_James?"_

James Potter was standing at my compartment door.

"James, what are you—I didn't expect… _you?_" God, I'm ridiculous. But James?

"Hey," James said, stepping inside the compartment and smiling.

"Wait, but how did you know where I was?"

"I didn't- I actually was going to go say hi to Sirius, but you're here, and alone, and Sirius has a girlfriend anyhow so…"

"Um. Ok." Merlin, now my face was turning red. Why is it James Potter, who used to make my face turn red with rage, now makes my face turn red with… well, I don't know.

James plopped down on the seat across from me with no invitation and propped his feet up next to me. "So, Lily, how's life?"

"Umm… hectic." I gave a nervous laugh. I found myself aware of everything I was doing. Was my hair messy? Did my arms look weird? What should I do with my face? Could he tell how ridiculous I was acting?

"Are you going to the Quidditch game next week?"

"Of course! I mean, Corynne's on the team."

"Yeah, she's a great keeper. That's good."

"I-I think you're really good too. I mean, you were assigned captain in _6__th__ year!_" I felt my body relax more. It's just James, I thought. James, your friend.

We chatted easily from then on, covering subjects from Quidditch, to obnoxious Head responsibilities, to Honeydukes chocolate, even to obnoxious Slytherins.

"I don't really understand Severus," I confided. "I mean, I know you hate him and all. But he's always scribbling in his potions book, and sometimes, when he's with his friends, he just stares at me. Like, _stares._ And it really freaks me out."

"Snape's a bloody prat, Lily."

I laughed a little. "I don't know. I know he's probably a good person deep down, but he can be so mean, and he really scares me sometimes."

"I can tell—your tongue seems to be awfully sharp around him."

The train lurched to a stop. I suddenly came to the realization that for once, I wasn't going to spend this Hogsmede trip with any of my three BFFs. In fact, by the way things seemed to be turning out, I was going to spend this trip with James. Who would've thought…


	11. The Truth

**Author's note**

**Thanks for all the reviews! I love you guys**

**Right now, I'm trying to get a beta reader, but I don't know how long this story is going to be**

**Sorry if this chapter is depressing **

**ily- Maddy**

"So," James said to me as we stepped out of the train, "Lily. Where do you want to go first?"

This was when the second jolt of nervousness set in. I was spending the next four hours or so with _James Potter!_ I shrugged awkwardly in response.

James, luckily, didn't seem to mind, and said, "Hey, do you want to see that new joke shop, Zonko's? It just opened last week."

I remembered Remus and Sirius talking about it in the hallways. In fact, the opening of Zonko's had been wildly anticipated.

"Sure," I told him, and we walked in the direction of a brightly lit up building crowded with people. The lights illuminated what would have been gray, dreary weather. I wrapped my coat around myself tighter. I found my body gravitating towards James, my arm brushing his. Blushing, I stepped away and uneasily watched my feet.

When we reached the neon-covered joke shop, it was nearly impossible to walk. There was such a crowd of Hogwarts students James and I had to stop within 10 feet of the town. James gave a sideways smile at me, and asked, "Are you ready?"

I wasn't really sure what he was talking about, but I nodded.

Before I knew it, James pulled his arms around me and we were running through the crowd to the front door. I laughed and screamed as we pushed people to the side. When we reached the door and let go, the warm touch of his hands still lingered. I shivered involuntarily. What was wrong with me?

When we entered, there was such a buzz of noise I had to shout to be heard. "JAMES, WHERE ARE WE GOING?" I yelled, looked around the bright shelves filled with wands turning themselves into chickens, exploding cauldrons, and fake vampire teeth. James grinned. "You lead the way, Lils."

His old nickname didn't annoy me anymore. I smiled up at him, and looked around the joke shop. I hadn't the foggiest idea until I saw a tentative 3rd Year girl walk up to a perfume bottle and sniff it uncertainly. She immediately was covered in something green. Laughing, I grabbed James by the arm (as a friend, of course) and ran over.

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The two of us were laughing as we walked out of the joke shop. "Wow," James smiled, looking through his bag of purchases, "Who would've thought? Nail clippers that make your nails multiply by 10 by the minute? I think I have a birthday present for Snivvilus."

I laughed. I even had a small bag with a few purchases. I didn't intend to use any of them, but buying them was fun in the spur of the moment. "Do you intend to use your fingerless rings?" James asked me, and we laughed.

I put one of them on for fun, and held up my finger-free hands to James. We continued to laugh, I wasn't even sure why anymore, but I realized then how much I loved being with him. For some reason, I wanted to wrap my invisible fingers around his neck. I bit my lip. "Er… well… where do you want to go next?"

The Leaky Cauldron was across the street from where we were walking. James gestured with his right hand towards the bar. I nodded, and we waited for a bus to pas before crossing the street.

When we entered the crowded building, James pulled out a few gold Galleons. I've never had too much money, coming from a muggle family, but I heard James had inherited a family fortune. "Whatever you want, Lily."

"No, it's really ok." I actually could use the break from paying, but I would never admit that.

James shook his head. "I have a vault with tons of these in Gringotts. Get what you want."

I didn't protest any more. Maybe it was a little greedy of me, but whatever. "Just a butterbeer," I told him.

"Two butterbeers," James said, slapping down a Galleon.

We sat down at a crowded table in between some weird middle-aged wizards and a group of gossipy 4th Years. We chatted easily for a while. At one moment, his hand brushed mine, and I was so flustered I immediately pulled it away. I wished I could stop freaking out. _It's just James_. I'm pathetic, I thought.

The hours we had at Hogsmede were dwindling away, and James and I had followed to visit many stores. After drinking so much butterbeer I might almost have gotten drunk (which is practically impossible), laughing so hard my sides hurt, and hiding behind James at the Shrieking Shack, I was tired but happier then I'd been in a long time. James and I sat on our knees on a small hill overlooking the city, reminiscing on our day together.

"You should've seen your face at the Shrieking Shack! It was priceless!"

I playfully hit him. "Shut up!"

James hit me back and we both laughed. I gave him a teasing kick and when he looked like he was going to play-tackle me, I dodged started rolling down the hill.

Ok, I'll admit it was childish. But it was fun.

James rolled after me. I never knew acting so childish could be that fun. I rolled over a twig by accident and struggled to stop rolling, pulling on James arm so he would to.

We stared at each other for a few moments, and then burst out in laughter. Then my face grew serious as I reflected on our hours of fun. "I had a great time, James." I told him quietly.

I felt James lean into me, and I didn't really know what I was doing. It was as if my body was moving for itself free of my mind. Before I knew it, my eyes were closed and my lips were on James's. _James's._ But I just didn't give a damn. It felt so good, so right...

The kiss deepened and I felt my arms around his neck, wanting this, wanting…

James.

James?

An image flashed in my mind of a fifteen year old boy hexing the class loser as his friends cheered him on.

Lily, what are you doing? I found myself thinking. I moved my arms to his chest, and pushed him away. _Away._ What bizarre idea made him think he could _kiss _me?

James looked startled. "Lily… I'm sorry… I…"

My mind flashed back to our wonderful day, our jokes together, everything… Why did I just pull away?

"No, James, I don't know why I just pulled away, I—"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

My lips tingled, and I _wanted_ him to kiss me again. "N-no, you don't—"

James's eyes looked so sad and I felt as if I were going to cry. I wanted to throw my arms around him. He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Lily. Go and meet up with Corynne or someone, it's really fine."

It wasn't fine. My tears were threatening to betray me, so I ran off, far away from our hill, into the forest behind the hill. I didn't know if we were allowed to be there, but I didn't care. I ran far into it and stopped at a rock, knelt down, and sobbed so hard, my body was shaking.

I tried to breathe slowly, but my breath was accelerating. I looked down at the rock I was kneeling at, which was getting wetter by the moment. The gray skies above the trees seemed to close into me. "James," I whispered. Hearing his name sent more tears. _Why_ did I pull away? Now… now…

Now nothing would ever be the same.

The desolate looming trees, the gray skies, the slight chill in the air were all bitter reminders of the truth I could no longer hide:

I was in love with James Potter.


End file.
